Week Twenty-Eight - Emotional Intelligence

We've probably all heard about AI - Artificial Intelligence. But have you ever read about emotional intelligence? I noticed the term when I was reading Untangled by Lisa Damour. She says "emotional intelligence is the capacity to reflect on our thoughts, feelings, and actions and be aware of complex mental states - the wishes, beliefs, and feelings - of the people around us."

    Her book is about raising teenage girls, but I found this chapter beneficial to every age. The ability to lay aside self and be considerate of others is a skill greatly lacking today. And, if the Bible is true, this will become more of a lost skill in the future as people become lovers of themselves. 

    2 Timothy 3:2-4 tells us that in the last days, "men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God." 

    It sounds like what we see today, a definite lack of emotional intelligence. And our society promotes these traits. By telling us we are special, great, and deserving, they suggest that success depends on luck, not effort, creating an attitude of deserving and privilege. It might make us feel good for the short term, but in the long term, we are left feeling like victims of circumstance instead of someone who uses diligence and intelligence to succeed in life. And our focus remains solely on ourselves. We ignore or forget those around us in our push to the top. We may even be guilty of using people to get what we want while not considering how our actions affect them. We grow selfish and self-consumed, sometimes without even realizing it. That's because we lack emotional intelligence.

    We build emotional intelligence by learning to consider others. Not to the non-consideration of ourselves but to mutual benefit. Lisa Damour says we grow in emotional intelligence skills "when we use our insights about each other to find a way to solve hurts and misunderstandings."

    As I thought about her term, I began thinking of the Golden Rule, which is rarely taught today. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," Jesus said. And that takes emotional intelligence - reflection on your needs and the needs of others. Then, making a decision of action that will benefit both. But isn't that the consistent teaching of Scripture? To not think of ourselves more highly than we ought? To make room for and meet the needs of others? You can make a great Bible study on emotional intelligence by studying out the "one another" Bible verses. Google them and see what your Bible says.

    So the question for us to consider today is, how emotionally intelligent are we? Do we consider others when planning or choosing our words and actions? Or do we think only of what we want and let the chips fall regardless of the cost? Are we teaching the skill of emotional intelligence to our children? Are we exhibiting it before them? Let's be sure we are emotionally intelligent - having the "capacity to reflect on our thoughts, feelings, and actions and be aware of complex mental states - the wishes, beliefs, and feelings - of the people around us."