Leslie Weatherhead said, "A true friend is one to whom you can tip out all of the contents of your heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away."
I am challenged to think, "Am I that kind of friend? Do I allow people to tip out the contents of their hearts? Do my friends see me as a safe place to share burdens?
There is a short passage in James 3:17 that holds a little phrase, "easily intreated." Do you know what that means? It means easily drawn, sincere and open, approachable, and has the idea of compliance and diplomacy. The passage describes wisdom, but we can relate this easily to the qualities of a good friend. There are other characteristics here in James 3 that also translate into friendship, qualities like purity, peace, gentleness, mercy, and acceptance. So, what kind of friend are you when these definitions are applied?
Another question we might ask ourselves is, "When my friends share their hearts, can I tell the difference between windy words and words of meaning, or do I throw in my junk and create more drama? We all need that place to dump our stuff on the table and get some help sorting things out. Sometimes, just hearing our junk in words or looking at the mess is all we need. A good friend knows we will most usually find our way to the truth if they lend a listening ear.
Let me give you a word of warning here. When your friend comes to offload, they don't want to hear, "I told you so, or "Well, that happened to me too." They just want you to listen. If you jump on the bandwagon with them, you aren't helping them solve their problem; you become another weight for them to carry, and add fuel to the fire. So learn, learn, learn, to be a good listener.
That brings us to some other questions, "Am I gentle with my friends? Or judgmental? Am I considerate or harsh? Am I patient or eagerly waiting to tell my side of the story? I've known times when I have borne my heart to someone I considered a friend only to have them turn on me with words that didn't answer my quandary or added to my heaviness. My heart stopped as I realized I had poured my heart out to someone cold and calculating. They revelled in the morsels of my pain and offered no soothing balm. They were not a safe place. So let's be warned - don't be this type of friend. Keep your heart and lips from harsh, judging words and seek to be a safe place.
Ask yourself these questions. "Do my words have the aroma of kindness? Do my friends trust I will not injure them, even if I have to speak the truth in love? Do I bathe my words in prayer before they escape my lips?"
There's a fine line between speaking the truth in love and slicing someone with a spiteful knife. When your friend lays open their heart, they are making themselves vulnerable. They aren't sure you will understand, might not be confident they have explained themselves fully, and could even be harboring condemning guilt over a situation. They need your gentle hand - the gentlest touch - that will lovingly and carefully help them unravel their fears and find the way to truth. Or, as Leslie Weatherhead put it, "sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away." Remember, they have placed the gift of confidence in you, and you, as their friend, have the utmost responsibility to not injure them but point them to hope in Christ.
We are all looking for a friend like this, and we cherish the ones who fill this bill. But the question for us today is, what type of friend am I?
Dear one, if you have been disappointed or let down, let me assure you there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. This friend will never disappoint, never misunderstand, and never deal harshly. Take your stuff to Him. Lay it all out on the table and watch Him gently breathe His love into your situation.
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